If you don't know or don't do, we can't be friends.
I think you should give the sweatskirt a go. Don't be an egg and buy one especially made. Do it yourself with an $8 sweatshirt from the men's section that had an oil stain on the front anyway and had been relegated to slopping around in.
Wiggle, wiggle your butt through that neckhole and tie.
|wearing: ASOS tee, eyewear and shoes, mens sweatshirt from Kmart.|